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http://users.livejournal.com/_samalander/) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
be_compromised2013-01-30 03:28 pm
http://users.livejournal.com/_samalander/) wrote in be_compromised2013-01-30 03:28 pm
Entry tags:
Unfinished Fic Wednesday
Greetings, B_Cers, and welcome to another Unfinished Fic Wednesday!
As a reminder, send snippets of fic (with rating and warning, as per comm rules!) to bc.unfinished@gmail.com if you'd like to be featured!
Today's submission is from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ittykat, who says:
Below follows an excerpt from the middle of what I've written. It was originally a fill for a prompt at the promptathon, where Natasha works for SHIELD and Clint is still in the circus, but after a few days of writing madly with inspiration real life got in the way and I've had trouble coming back to it. I know it'll be a mediumish length plotty thing. I need some encouragement, or speculation, or suggestions, con/crit, anything that might help spark the muses into working again.
Rating: PG
Warnings: nothing for this section. Other sections include graphic violence and language
Four Days Ago
"Target is Carson Carnival of Travelling Wonders" Coulson says, sliding the mission file across his desk. "Established in the late 40's, though it's changed hands several times since the last of the Carson brothers passed in '72. Its most recent owner is a business conglomerate based out of Georgia."
"The state?" Natasha asks.
Coulson shakes his head. "The country."
Natasha frowns. "What does a Georgian conglomerate want with a moderately successful circus?" She wonders out aloud, as she flicks through the pages of the document that outline the persona she'll take on, background about the circus.
"It's a transient business, and circuses have always traditionally been associated with smuggling. We've been hearing chatter about Carson, and the analysts only recently confirmed it meant the circus and not the New Zealand art thief."
"What's the chatter?" She asks.
"They're moving something big, still unsure if it's weapons or drugs or something else, and we need someone on the inside to get any more info." He shrugs, "they don't have a surveillance system for us to hack. We need to go old-school on this one."
"Personnel?" She asks, noting that the file is, on the whole, quite light on details.
"Manager is Petyr Petrovski, Polish immigrant. There are a few ex-cons registered with them, but most of them have stayed pretty clean so we haven't been able to get much more out of them. The rest of the cast and crew is an unknown entity, light on official records, paid in cash. Nothing technically illegal on that score, but shady nonetheless. I'm sorry we can't give you any more to work with."
"I've done more with less." She says, takes the file and stands. “I’ll call you when I’m in.”
“Good luck.”
***
As expected, they hire her on the spot. She is immediately introduced to the rest of the acrobatic squad, some of whom had been watching the audition from ringside. One of the girls, comes up to her and shakes her hand. “Jenni,” she says, “Welcome to the squad.”
“Natalia.” She gives the younger girl a tight smile.
“Let me show you round.” Jenni says, and takes her back outside the big top, straight into the sideshow alley. “We do seven shows a week, two shows on Wednesday and Saturday. Travelling Sunday and Monday-- Hey Chuck!-- We’ll teach you the routine this week, get you fitted for costumes and start phasing you in the matinees next town over.” She explains, waving at some of the vendor operators, each of whom looks as shady and suspicious as one expects carnies to be. They smile warmly at Jenni, though, and she shows none of the usual signs of nervousness a bubbly teenager would have around such rough sorts.
“Sounds like you keep busy.” Natasha says, watching a man with a thinning grey beard and beady eyes stack heavy metal bottles in a pyramid.
“Living the dream.” She chirps. “The carnival operates from 3pm most days, 11am on matinee days, they shut up shop about ten minutes before big top starts. Come tonight and watch the performance, get a feel for it. We’re not your average company.”
They walk in between a few of the tents, slipping into the backstage area through a partially hidden door. “So what made you want to join the circus, Natalia?” Jenni asks.
“I have a certain skill set.” Natasha says, sinking into the hard consonants and deep vowels of her native language. “And I am sick of stripping.”
“Is it the men?” Jenni asks sympathetically. “I did it for a while, but I hated feeling like a piece of meat.”
Natasha shrugs, settling into her cover story like a worn, familiar coat. “The men I can handle.” She says dismissively. “It is no longer challenging for me to do it.”
“As good a reason as any, I suppose.” Jenni says, and leads her around to several metal caravans that are parked in a vague ordered formation. “All the performers are on this side of the top, rousties are over there.” She points to an area to their right. “Carnies usually bunk past them. You’ll be in with me in this one.”
The caravan is more spacious than she expected, made somewhat more spacious by the fact that she has not much in the way of personal effects. If Jenni finds it strange that she only has a backpack slung over her shoulder, then she doesn’t say. She just directs her which side of the closet is hers, which bed, where to find the bed sheets and how to turn on the shower (a complicated process of turning it just so and hitting a precise tile on the wall to engage the pipes).
“Hey Jay,” A male voice calls out, and the caravan shifts a little from side to side as a heavier body enters the enclosed space.
Jenni pokes her head back out of the small bathroom, and she smiles. “Hey!”
“Hey you got that thing I asked you about?” The man asks, and Natasha is wedged in the shower cubicle by Jenni.
“Yeah, it’s on my bunk.” Jenni says, gesturing towards the bright pink bunk that belongs to hers. She steps out of the bathroom and finally allows Natasha to step back into the main hallway and get eyes on the visitor. He’s not a tall man, but he’s broad-shouldered and clearly quite strong. There is a certain something in his posture, something that hints at military and professional, but it’s tempered by sandy hair and a fair smile.
“This the newbie?” He asks Jenni, who nods.
“This is Natalia.” She introduces, and Natasha steps forward, holding out her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Nat.” He says. “Name’s Barney Barton.”
As a reminder, send snippets of fic (with rating and warning, as per comm rules!) to bc.unfinished@gmail.com if you'd like to be featured!
Today's submission is from
ittykat, who says:Below follows an excerpt from the middle of what I've written. It was originally a fill for a prompt at the promptathon, where Natasha works for SHIELD and Clint is still in the circus, but after a few days of writing madly with inspiration real life got in the way and I've had trouble coming back to it. I know it'll be a mediumish length plotty thing. I need some encouragement, or speculation, or suggestions, con/crit, anything that might help spark the muses into working again.
Rating: PG
Warnings: nothing for this section. Other sections include graphic violence and language
Four Days Ago
"Target is Carson Carnival of Travelling Wonders" Coulson says, sliding the mission file across his desk. "Established in the late 40's, though it's changed hands several times since the last of the Carson brothers passed in '72. Its most recent owner is a business conglomerate based out of Georgia."
"The state?" Natasha asks.
Coulson shakes his head. "The country."
Natasha frowns. "What does a Georgian conglomerate want with a moderately successful circus?" She wonders out aloud, as she flicks through the pages of the document that outline the persona she'll take on, background about the circus.
"It's a transient business, and circuses have always traditionally been associated with smuggling. We've been hearing chatter about Carson, and the analysts only recently confirmed it meant the circus and not the New Zealand art thief."
"What's the chatter?" She asks.
"They're moving something big, still unsure if it's weapons or drugs or something else, and we need someone on the inside to get any more info." He shrugs, "they don't have a surveillance system for us to hack. We need to go old-school on this one."
"Personnel?" She asks, noting that the file is, on the whole, quite light on details.
"Manager is Petyr Petrovski, Polish immigrant. There are a few ex-cons registered with them, but most of them have stayed pretty clean so we haven't been able to get much more out of them. The rest of the cast and crew is an unknown entity, light on official records, paid in cash. Nothing technically illegal on that score, but shady nonetheless. I'm sorry we can't give you any more to work with."
"I've done more with less." She says, takes the file and stands. “I’ll call you when I’m in.”
“Good luck.”
***
As expected, they hire her on the spot. She is immediately introduced to the rest of the acrobatic squad, some of whom had been watching the audition from ringside. One of the girls, comes up to her and shakes her hand. “Jenni,” she says, “Welcome to the squad.”
“Natalia.” She gives the younger girl a tight smile.
“Let me show you round.” Jenni says, and takes her back outside the big top, straight into the sideshow alley. “We do seven shows a week, two shows on Wednesday and Saturday. Travelling Sunday and Monday-- Hey Chuck!-- We’ll teach you the routine this week, get you fitted for costumes and start phasing you in the matinees next town over.” She explains, waving at some of the vendor operators, each of whom looks as shady and suspicious as one expects carnies to be. They smile warmly at Jenni, though, and she shows none of the usual signs of nervousness a bubbly teenager would have around such rough sorts.
“Sounds like you keep busy.” Natasha says, watching a man with a thinning grey beard and beady eyes stack heavy metal bottles in a pyramid.
“Living the dream.” She chirps. “The carnival operates from 3pm most days, 11am on matinee days, they shut up shop about ten minutes before big top starts. Come tonight and watch the performance, get a feel for it. We’re not your average company.”
They walk in between a few of the tents, slipping into the backstage area through a partially hidden door. “So what made you want to join the circus, Natalia?” Jenni asks.
“I have a certain skill set.” Natasha says, sinking into the hard consonants and deep vowels of her native language. “And I am sick of stripping.”
“Is it the men?” Jenni asks sympathetically. “I did it for a while, but I hated feeling like a piece of meat.”
Natasha shrugs, settling into her cover story like a worn, familiar coat. “The men I can handle.” She says dismissively. “It is no longer challenging for me to do it.”
“As good a reason as any, I suppose.” Jenni says, and leads her around to several metal caravans that are parked in a vague ordered formation. “All the performers are on this side of the top, rousties are over there.” She points to an area to their right. “Carnies usually bunk past them. You’ll be in with me in this one.”
The caravan is more spacious than she expected, made somewhat more spacious by the fact that she has not much in the way of personal effects. If Jenni finds it strange that she only has a backpack slung over her shoulder, then she doesn’t say. She just directs her which side of the closet is hers, which bed, where to find the bed sheets and how to turn on the shower (a complicated process of turning it just so and hitting a precise tile on the wall to engage the pipes).
“Hey Jay,” A male voice calls out, and the caravan shifts a little from side to side as a heavier body enters the enclosed space.
Jenni pokes her head back out of the small bathroom, and she smiles. “Hey!”
“Hey you got that thing I asked you about?” The man asks, and Natasha is wedged in the shower cubicle by Jenni.
“Yeah, it’s on my bunk.” Jenni says, gesturing towards the bright pink bunk that belongs to hers. She steps out of the bathroom and finally allows Natasha to step back into the main hallway and get eyes on the visitor. He’s not a tall man, but he’s broad-shouldered and clearly quite strong. There is a certain something in his posture, something that hints at military and professional, but it’s tempered by sandy hair and a fair smile.
“This the newbie?” He asks Jenni, who nods.
“This is Natalia.” She introduces, and Natasha steps forward, holding out her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Nat.” He says. “Name’s Barney Barton.”
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I do not have more useful things *sheepish*. But. HELLO BARNEY. HELLO CARSON'S. HELLO NATASHA. (And Jenni is such an interesting OC! Unless she is from somewhere, in which case, she is still really interesting!)
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It's got such fabulous potential, and it raises so many great questions. Is Clint still an assassin, even though he's in the circus? (Maybe he moonlights, or maybe he's an "enforcer" for them.) What is the circus really up to? What kind of relationship do the Barton brothers have? Is Barney involved in the smuggling? Is Clint? Will Natasha be intrigued by Clint and his abilities with a bow? Will she be attracted to Clint? Will Barney try to interfere, and is he jealous of Clint, both for his skills, and Natasha? When it is all said and done, will Natasha try to recruit Clint for SHIELD?
It could go so many ways. :D I sincerely hope you'll continue!
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One substantive comment: I'm not sure about the "Georgian conglomerate". That country is a mess of epic proportions, and as such pretty much free of "conglomerates". There is organized crime galore, but that tends to be centred in the separatist republics, which declared their "independence" a few years back (nobody listened) and would not consider themselves as Georgian, but rather as Abkhazian or Ossetian (with an unsubtle and unsavoury overlay of Russian mafia). So if your conglomerate is evil, you may want to consider nuancing its national origin ... ;-)
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How do Natasha and Clint meet? How are Barney and Clint getting along? What's Clint's role in the circus? I'm very curious!
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Nah, do what you want, but I did love it muchly. Barney and Jenni are already intriguing me- they are something you don't see much of in fanfic.
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Loved the fakeout at the end with Barney ;)
Loved the world you are creating here! The circus feels very 3 dimensional and real. Jenni is an awesome OC! She feels very fleshed out and real as well. Does she have a role to play in all this? Will other carnie OCs be making appearances? Or people we know like Trickshot and the Swordsman? I personally would love to see this continued!! Its very intriguing and interesting :)
I'm not sure I have much else to add as far as suggestions and stuff go, other than what everyone else has said :/ Though, do you have it planned out how its going to end? Does Clint join Shield at the end? Does Natasha go her separate way? How exactly do the two meet? And what role does Barney play in this, is Clint involved in the smuggling or is he just a badass archer? Is Clint going to have a hand in stopping the smuggling, and then he impresses Natasha so much *she* offers *him* a job with Shield?
I hope you find your muse/inspiration because this is an awesome premise/story!! :)
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Hmm, prodding the muses: why has it 'changed hands a few times' since we ran out of Carsons? Disagreements with the shady people, behind the scenes issues, it doesn't actually make any money...? What actually goes on that's made these boss people leave? ...Or did they do a disappearing act?
Does Clint find out that Natasha is undercover because she eventually tells him, because it's revealed at the end and it's awkward between them because she didn't tell him, or Barney or someone else tells him because they know the Law is after them, or Clint figures it out himself, or Clint knows all along because he's made a deal with SHIELD or someone because he wants to get himself and his brother out of this mess and that's where the original heads up came from, or...?
What is it that they're smuggling? Does Clint know about it? Does he care? Is Barney neck deep in it or on the peripherary? Does Clint care because Barney's involved? Do any of the artists or workers know what's going on? Who, and why? And how does Natasha manage to track down who those people are and find anything out from them?
And circus-ness! I want to know what the act Natasha is in is like, and the other acts, and the behind the scenes stuff, and everything! This snippet has given me a gritty, seventies circus feel and it's great :D More please?