09 January 2013 @ 12:56 pm
Unfinished Fic Wednesday  
Guys, are you as stoked about the secret santa reveals as I am? Well, take a break from answering your comments and hugging each other until you turn blue, and check it out! It's Unfinished Fic Wednesday!

(and this is where the theme song goes... it goes la la la... something about spies... submit to bc.unfinished@gmail.com... sexy spiiiies!)

Today's submission comes to us from [livejournal.com profile] ashen_key who says:
As you guys were helpful for cheerleading on my de-aged Nat fic, here is another WiP of mine. It's the obligatory Budapest!fic, and I'm planning on writing it when I'm stuck with the upcoming chapters of de-aged Nat so I actually, uh, get it done. Hopefully. Inspiration is taken from the idea that MCU is totally the kind of world where things involving Mad Science like Jurassic Park would actually take place, and so "you and I remember Budapest very differently" means dinosaurs. But I've been having trouble with audience expectations on the tone (mostly serious-ish with snark and some black humour - much like JP itself, really), and just generally being uninspired and unsure about how interested people would be. So, here is about 1000 from the start to see what people think. Contains POV death of an OC.


By 3am, Oszkár was back at the brightly lit foyer. The only other occupant was Rozsa at the concierge desk, readjusting her red braid.

“Where's Karcsi?” he asked. Rozsa glanced at him, kept one hand on her braid as she pulled the hairpins out of her mouth.

“Escorting a pair of very drunk guests to their room,” she said, voice dry. Arany Rozsa was another jangled note to his shift, which wasn't really her fault. She was efficient, competent, and knew how to sweet-talk the guests. Slightly stand-offish with co-workers. Oszkár had thought 'snob', but after a couple drinks with her American husband, he readjusted his assessment to 'probably shy'. Rozsa's main problem was that she was new, and Oszkár hadn't managed to settle into anything except a correct politeness around her.

She was also a short young woman, and Oszkár disliked leaving her alone at the desk while the air tasted uneasy. Not that he'd say anything, so he just grunted and nodded.

Rozsa's eyes narrowed suddenly, and as he started to turn to face the front doors, a bullet to his shoulder made him spin, crumple to the marble floor. A bullet from the stairs behind him, he thought through the explosion of pain. Then he thought, I knew it.

He heard Rozsa's shoes as she ran for the staff door, and then he heard the dull thud of combat boots. The rest of the world was pain and his own gasping breath as his vision slid in and out of focus.

Oszkár never heard the shot that killed him.

– –

In another part of Budapest, the American married to 'Rozsa' woke with a start as his cell beeped and vibrated on the bedside table. The beep sounded again, loud enough for him to hear even if he hadn't been wearing his hearing-aids, and he fumbled to pick the phone up.

“What,” Clint said, squinting at the message and rereading. He was able to decode most of it without even thinking: Hydra's militia was active, gunfire, tell your team and mine.

Then Nat had added 'creatures – dinosaurs?' which made no goddamn sense. He forwarded the text to Beamon (she and Nat might have been in the same hotel, but no point in assuming), and then called SHIELD's Budapest office as he went to wake his spotter.

“Wha-?” Schmidt said intelligently, but to her credit by the time he was off the phone she was pulling pants on. “Dinosaurs.”

He shrugged at her.

By 4am, SHIELD and the Hungarian police had surrounded the hotel (as much as it could be surrounded, given it was an old converted palace in a row of them) and were squabbling. Fortunately, no one had told the press (who'd swarmed once the reports came in about shots fired) that there was an entire hotel being held hostage by a megalomaniac cult of mad scientists, but that was the only good thing about the situation. Everyone was still armed and standing outside the building, and there'd been no contact established with anyone inside.

Schmidt kicked his foot with her boot, and jerked her head towards the building pointedly.

“Ma'am?” Tolnay, a no-nonsense woman in her early fifties who controlled SHIELD's Hungarian branch, was irritated enough at the cops to actually look at him. “I've got agents inside.” It was the polite version of what he wanted to say.

She smiled faintly, which Clint understood from years of knowing Nat to be a silent 'fuck this'. “Molnár, your team with Barton, take alley entrance,” she said in clear, if heavily-accented, English. “Co-ordinate with Szatmáry.” The rest of her orders were in Hungarian, all steel with a passive-aggressive sweet that made the police captain scowl at her even as he nodded.

“They've got the front door,” Molnár translated, and then jerked his head to the alley. Clint and Schmidt followed with the three other agents. “Barton, you take Schmidt and Vadász, we keep in contact while the police finish democracy outside. Yes?”

Vadász was late twenties, tallish, and holding his rifle with an experienced calmness. Clint nodded. “Works for me.”

Clint took the fire-escape stairs with Schmidt and Vadász following. They made their cautious way through abandoned offices before emerging into a corridor full of numbered doors. All locked; whatever occupants the room might have had were being silent.

There was a scream, not human. The feedback crackled unpleasantly with his hearing-aids.

Clint gestured for them to keep moving, noting that Vadász had kept covering his side instead of pointing his rifle towards the sound. Always nice being able to trust the locals. They'd reached the marble floors now, and it was covered with blood and shell-casings. Schmidt had moved to take point, and so she was the one to yell, “Contact!” just before the firing starting. Clint was stuck out on the landing of a wide staircase, and started to back up while firing. Unable to look down, his boot landed on a shell-casing and he stumbled just enough that his just healed leg buckled, sending him tumbling down the stairs. The gunfire above his head was echoing around the hall, but as he sat up, that wasn't what had his attention.

What has his attention were the three bipedal creatures staring at him inquisitively. There were feathers. There were a number of sharp claws on hands and feet. There were long snouts filled with sharp teeth.

“Barton? Barton, come in,” Schmidt was shouting over his ear-pieces and Clint couldn't reply. Partly, it was just the effect of his fall, but mostly it was because those creatures were holding their heads only slightly taller than he did his and those giant claws on their feet were familiar and they were lowering their heads and sidling closer and, yeah, he'd seen enough nature documentaries to recognise what that meant.

And the only thing he could do was stare.

Ten hours earlier....
 
 
( Post a new comment )
[identity profile] stuntriderjenny.livejournal.com on January 9th, 2013 06:25 pm (UTC)
Dude, DUDE! I wont be able to read your snippet until later when I have longer than just my work break but OMG there is interest here!! Little side story, back when I was little, in between wanting to be a marine biologist or a veterinarian I wanted to be an archeologist so bad! I had dinosaur sheets on my bed, had the land before time memorized, could tell you all about the different dinosaurs, what time period they lived in.....omg interested definitely! ;)

I'll give you more input later when I can read this if you'd like. also as far as tone goes, whatever you ultimately decide will be awesome! But if you want more specifics, I think something along the lines of JPark would work really well. The movie started light hearted and fun, full of snark and banter, and then by the end, well, nature found a way and the raptors wreaked havok ;) so yeah more serious-ish, but still with bits of humor and snark. hopefully that helps? *cheers you on*

Also I've come to the conclusion that I need dinosaur icons.....or at least icons of Primeval ;)
Ashen Key: black and white smile[personal profile] ashen_key on January 9th, 2013 11:07 pm (UTC)
But if you want more specifics, I think something along the lines of JPark would work really well. The movie started light hearted and fun, full of snark and banter, and then by the end, well, nature found a way and the raptors wreaked havok ;) so yeah more serious-ish, but still with bits of humor and snark.

Yesssss, exactly - there was the SERIOUS! of the very, very start, and then it went more snarky, and then serious again, which is a bit of the beat of this. So, the 'ten hours earlier' I was thinking was Nat's POV, and running through things up until when HYDRA starts shooting, and then it's more serious (although with black humour, because these are the kind of characters who will crack jokes while things try and kill them).

DINOSAURS. I totally need some dinosaurs icons, too - I've collected dinosaur books since I was little girl, and recently I went to the local dinosaur mueseum (FOR RESEARCH - they have life-sized models of things, and I couldn't visualize the Deinonychuses (Deinonychusi? *pokes things*). And then I turned up and went 'oh, awesome, but ahhhh'. Also bought another book, because yay up-to-date research.
[identity profile] stuntriderjenny.livejournal.com on January 10th, 2013 04:58 am (UTC)
ooooh yes I like what you're thinking! Bookend the more light hearted (as light hearted as you're going to get ;) with the more scary, serious stuff, yes! See you got this! ;)

and I'm in total agreement with you, I completely see Nat and Clint (and maybe your OCs?) having dark/black humor and being all snarky and bantery while things are trying to kill them. They're surrounded by all this death and destruction, they'd have to find humor in things to keep it from going to their head, I would think?

I would totally go to the museum all the time if I could, "for research" yeah ;) My hometown had a super sweet museum, complete with a giant, life sized T-Rex eating a Triceratops carcass... scared the crap out of me when I was younger, but still awesome! 'oh, awesome, but ahhhh' lol totally understand what you mean! yay for new books and up-to-date research! Ah yep, when I was little if it wasn't a coloring or info book about horses then it was one about dinos ;)
Ashen Key[personal profile] ashen_key on January 10th, 2013 07:11 am (UTC)
Ahaha, hopefully! I was just worried people might be "LOL DINOSAURS" and then Clint's frozen in mildly hysterical shock (albeit briefly), so I was....worried. But! Dangerous creatures and black humour and serious.

When on-duty, there is snark and low-key jokes to take the edge off; off-duty, there is way more goofing off and silly before they settle down again. Too serious, and their jobs would just eat at them. And that depresses me waaaay too much, so, mine snark a lot and then relax on off-duty. But with dinosaurs? Oh, yeah, there are going to be jokes. If they can turn things into jokes then they can...bring it down to something more manageable and deal with the situation.

Totally research! It's not a very big museum, and I know most of the info anyway, but the dinosaurs on display are awesome - and really helpful. It's one thing to know that the raptors I'm using were three feet tall at the hip, and another to stand next to a statue and go '....right, yes, there is the rest of the body that is above the...hip...'

I just. I seriously wanted to be a palaeontologist when I was kid. Writing stories and reading books is the next best thing, clearly! And ohhhhh, yes, that display sounds amazing. Scary for tiny!you! (Tiny!me was terrified of moving dinosaur displays), but still amazing.
[identity profile] stuntriderjenny.livejournal.com on January 11th, 2013 10:27 pm (UTC)
*nods head* yes to everything you said about their characterization!! too serious and letting their jobs get to them is way too depressing, indeed!! :/ Have to deal somehow, and snark and jokes are all good! I'm excited to read what you come up with :)

Yay research! lol yes, as cool as it would be to see dinosaurs in the wild/study them... yeah its probably best that its just a model ;) 3 feet at the hip.... then the rest of the body o.0

*nods* I completely understand!! No lie, I've always been into wildlife, be it prehistoric or modern, and wanted so bad to be a palaeontologist, biologist, or vet (I did end up studying wildlife biology but.... *pokes retail jobs* now to do something with it :/ ) Writing stories and reading books is indeed the next best thing :)

oh that display was awesome! but yes tiny!little girl me was riding on her daddy's shoulders when he turned the corner and then wham! I was face to face with a giant moving t-rex who was making growly noises o.o but still amazing ;)
[identity profile] angela-n-hunt.livejournal.com on January 9th, 2013 07:14 pm (UTC)
DUDE

Velociraptors.

I want more!
Ashen Key: black and white smile[personal profile] ashen_key on January 9th, 2013 11:09 pm (UTC)
RAPTORS!

(by which I mean Deinonychus, because the velociraptor mix-up in JP was due to a popular science book that classified Deinonychus as a type of Velociraptor, and so that's what Critchton wrote and what the movie did. But I can spell raptors <.< )

*beams!* YAY. Natasha vs the dinosaurs will hoooopefully be written, muahah.
[identity profile] angela-n-hunt.livejournal.com on January 10th, 2013 12:01 am (UTC)
YAY

I wanna read it.
[identity profile] stuntriderjenny.livejournal.com on January 9th, 2013 10:24 pm (UTC)
Yeah I'm pretty sure were going to need you to write the rest of this ;)
under cover mission fic? Check
Shady hydra mad scientists? Check.
attention grabbing intro? Definite Check
VELOCIRAPTORS?! *toothy grin*

Also the tone you have so far works really well :) so no worries :)
Ashen Key: black and white smile[personal profile] ashen_key on January 9th, 2013 11:12 pm (UTC)
Ahah, yay! Glad people are interested and not going 'Ash, wtf are you on'. I may have to include the Velociraptor vs Deinonychus confusion somewhere, actually (the raptors in JP are actually Deinonychus).

And yessssss, I'm really glad the tone works. I wasn't sure, because DINOSAURS! but, they were daaaangerous, which is the route I'm going.

:D Thank you!
[identity profile] stuntriderjenny.livejournal.com on January 10th, 2013 04:30 am (UTC)
... So at one point in time I totally knew that, but its been awhile since I saw the movie and I couldn't remember, so instead of doing the smart thing and tabbing over to google, I just guessed.... and guessed wrongly :/
*turns in fan club card and hangs head in shame*

But oh yes dude, fear not, there is total interest!! :D No worries :)

And in my opinion fwiw the tone/feel/atmosphere definitely works :) Serious, with a side of humor to lighten things up is perfect. I mean, yeah you could have taken this idea and gone in a super goofy, silly, fluffy route, and I'm sure it would have worked and been awesome and cute...But, I personally think the premise works better how you have it, these are deadly, dangerous creatures we're talking about after all!

You're welcome! :) Anytime!
Ashen Key[personal profile] ashen_key on January 10th, 2013 06:57 am (UTC)
*HANDS CARD BACK* Let's be honest, raptor is easier to remember *g* I think not many people know that they had feathers, either. It's all good! And obscure. But we are fannish, obscure goes with the territory.

these are deadly, dangerous creatures we're talking about after all!

Yessssss, exactly! And creatures that are hungry and frightened/angry rather than evil, too. Just, you know, three feet tall at the hip and smart. With lots of weapons! I'm going to have more fun writing them as dngerous, because good luck hand-fighting them, Natasha.

<3

Edited 2013-01-10 06:58 am (UTC)
[identity profile] stuntriderjenny.livejournal.com on January 11th, 2013 10:17 pm (UTC)
lol yay thanks! *takes cards* glad I wasn't shunned out of town ;) and lol yes, indeed raptor is way easier to remember! ooooh yes I find it so awesome and fascinating that they had feathers, yanno? I've done a lot of work with birds of prey and... idk its just so cool. Birds are awesome, *especially* raptors, theyre just bad ass, and you hold a hawk or eagle in your hand, you can easily see that dinosaurs and birds are related /geek out ;)

And creatures that are hungry and frightened/angry rather than evil, too.

Ah yes, thank you!! They are not evil, it breaks my heart when people call predators evil... they're not, they're acting on instincts. You run from a predator its going to chase you! Doesn't matter if its a lion, bear, or raptor! They're hungry, probably pretty confused from being displaced in time/genetically developed/however you're handling it in your fic ;) and yes, *smart*

From your other post: I was just worried people might be "LOL DINOSAURS" and then Clint's frozen in mildly hysterical shock (albeit briefly), so I was....worried.

No no trust me, i get it!! Predators are smart, they have to be to track their prey, interpret patterns, and communicate with each other if they hunt in packs/prides/etc. They coordinate attacks and... yeah if I was suddenly face to face with a raptor, I'd be pretty freaked out! They're like a wolf or a lion times 1,000, idek. Like you said, 3 feet at the hip... and then there's the rest of the body, complete with teeth and claws o.0 *sorry, takes off wildlife biologist hat ;)*

lol yeah good luck with that Nat ;) I'd definitely want to have a long ranged weapon then, and not be a melee fighter ;)

oh man I can not *wait* to read this fic about awesome dangerous creatures- its hopefully going to be as much fun to read as it is to write!! :D *grins*