Title:  News of the World
Author: alphaflyer
Pairing:  Clint/Natasha
Word length:  ~1,300
Rating:  General
Warnings:  none

Summary: So, in yesterday's ATTF discussion on "to magic or not to magic", laughtersmelody said "It would be so much fun for someone (a reporter, maybe, or someone else somehow connected with the Avengers) to try to figure out what the secret is with the two "normal" Avengers" and lar_laughs added "I think a news article would be an awesome way to show that idea!"

Well, here you are, Ladies -- not sure this is what you had in mind, but this is what popped out...  Hope you enjoy.  :-)

On my

LJ

or right here:





News of the World

“Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of News of the World.  I’m Charles Weston, reporting to you from New York where the rubble is still smoking.  It’s been two days after an alien attack laid waste to some of the country’s most valuable real estate; two days since alien ships poured from a hole in the sky – a hole apparently opened up by a device right on top of Stark Tower.

"Two days, and the world is still looking for answers.  What happened here, and why did it happen?  And – most importantly for New Yorkers – who are these so-called Avengers?  Some say we owe them our survival.  Others are not so sure.  Simon?"

{Cue:  Visual switches to image of two elderly chess players; one turns to the camera and says “Superheroes in New York??  Gimme a break.”}

"Is he right?  Do we have magical beings to thank for the fact that the casualties in Manhattan numbered only in the hundreds, not in the thousands?"

"Let’s take stock.  We begin with footage captured by a security camera in front of Barnes and Noble on East 17^th Street; it was serendipitously twisted upwards when Ironman himself careened through the streets, pursued by several of those ships.  Here it is now, Ladies and Gentlemen, and our apologies for the poor quality of the images."

{A flash of red and gold comes straight at the camera, apparently hits it; it shakes, and the lens swoops upwards in a dizzying move.  Grainy video shows a beam of light emanating from the silhouette of what is clearly Stark Tower; one of the alien whale ships comes twisting through like a giant shadow.  Lightning strikes at the vessel, followed by a streak of red; more lightning.}

"And we’ll freeze on this shot.  Thanks, Simon.  That, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the Avenger they call Thor, after the ancient Norse God of Thunder.  And yes, it appears he can fly, doubtless thanks to the same technology utilized by Tony Stark when he straps on his Ironman suit.  The light weapon he uses is doubtless the latest in Stark technology – the things the arms dealing billionaire claims not to be making anymore.  And there must be repulsors hidden under that cape; clearly, this man has a sense of humour and a boyhood fascination with certain comic books."

"We don’t need to go far to show you pictures of the Hulk.  No need for capes here.  In fact, we seem to be lucky that he’s wearing clothes at all."

{A series of iPhone shots of the Hulk, clinging to the side of skyscrapers, throwing Chitauri warriors into the streets.}

"First seen rampaging through Harlem in 2008, this genetically engineered monstrosity returned to the city to wreak even more havoc than before.  If the government is to be believed, he did it on our behalf this time.  Of course, this is the same government that created the twisted creature he fought the last time he laid waste to our streets.  The same government that probably created the Hulk himself."

"And finally, another camera picks up the story on 38^th street.  Here is Captain America, or I should say, an admittedly physically impressive specimen who modeled his eye-catching outfit after the hero of the Second World War, now widely regarded as fictional.  Of course, he didn’t get it quite right."

{Side-by-side shots of Captain America, as seen on the streets of Manhattan and on the cover of a vintage comic book.  The differences in the suit are subtle, but obvious.}

“Captain America served as a flashy distraction for soldiers in the War; he seems to be doing a decent enough job of it now.  Because now, Ladies and Gentlemen, it gets truly mysterious.  Let’s sum things up.  Here are the four so-called superheroes of Manhattan, Ironman, Thor, Hulk and Captain America.  Whoever they are in real life – of course we all know Tony Stark – they have names, and they have faces, and they were very visible in New York two days ago.”

{Camera does a quadruple shot, zooming in on the four faces, one in each quarter.}

“But.  They had help.  Female help.  Here’s a shot of Captain America, next to a mysterious figure in black. Very clearly, a woman.”

{Camera switches to the silhouette of a woman in a cat suit, her hands raised, firing weapons at something off-screen.}

“No one has bothered to explain just who this mysterious shooter is.  One moment she is there, on the street, beside the man in red, white and blue – the next she is seen on one of the alien sleds, in friendly embrace with one of the aliens.”

{Still photo of Black Widow, from behind, face obscured, clinging to the back of a Chitauri Warrior.}

“And then this little mystery.  Watch closely.”

{The sky-bound camera shows three Chitauri sleds, their pilots apparently struck by missiles, crashing into a tall building at the edge of the screen.}

“Where did these arrows come from?  And yes, you heard me.  Arrows."

{A sudden, grainy enlargement shows a fletched projectile protruding from one of the aliens’ eye sockets.}

"Their trajectory, our experts say, suggest they come from very high up, and some reports suggest a man in black standing on a ledge at the top of the ManuLife building.  But who would expose themselves like that in the middle of an aerial battle?”

“We now go to a special guest in our studio today.  He’s an expert in international security and defence and weapons technology.  Professor Gideon Murphy, welcome to the News of the World.  What do you make of all of this?”

“Thank you, Charles, and it’s a pleasure to be back on the show.  Yes, arrows, that most ancient of human weapons.  And I say human advisedly.  There is no magic, nothing super about them, or about the pistols your mysterious woman uses.”

“Professor, some survivors tell a story about a man in black, with a quiver strung across his back, helping them out of a bus that was about to burst into flames.  They believe him to be one of the Avengers.  A hero.  Could he be the same as the one alleged to have been seen on top of that building?”

“Well, Charles, the jury is still out on that.  Those are two very different places.  But I would note that arrows were found most recently in an attack on a top-secret research facility in Stuttgart, Germany.  So either the bow and arrow is making a comeback as a weapon of war, or the highly mobile bowman in question is not as squeaky-clean a hero as the Government would have us believe.  Avenging what, exactly?”

“Thank you, Professor; my question precisely.  Let’s have another, closer look at our mysterious Lady In Black as well.  Here she is, Ladies and Gentlemen, on top of Stark Tower, at the source of the problem.”

{Camera shows still of a woman silhouetted against the portal, holding a long object, poking straight into the beam of light that points into the sky.}

“So let’s take stock.  You have a bunch of what appears to be aliens, with hundreds of ships of differing sizes, dropping from a hole in the sky.  You have four recognizable larger-than-life characters {camera flashes to Thor, Hulk, Ironman and Captain America} of cartoon-like figures whom the Government would have us believe are magical, super-powered beings who saved New York from destruction, using some very sophisticated weaponry indeed.  Including, in the case of the Hulk, being a weapon, genetically engineered in secret experiments carried out by the government.”

“But then you have these two mysterious, shadowy characters, dressed in black, armed with mere pistols and a bow, for crying out loud – by all evidence very, very human -- who turn up not only in the middle of the battle for Manhattan, but also in some other, extremely questionable places.  Coincidence?  You be the judge.  As for me, I am wondering just who these two were fighting for, and how they got to be in the middle of all this.  Somewhere, there is an explanation about the human connection to this day of magic and monsters.”

“This is Charles Weston, signing off.  Good day, and keep asking those question.  I will.”