A Gift From: TaleWeaver
Type Of Gift: Fic
Title: Of Love, Loyalty and Shovels
A Gift For: whiskyinmind
Rating: M. Swearing and discussions of violence and sexual relationships.
Warnings: Written in near-total ignorance of the Aja/Fraction ‘Hawkeye’ canon, because every time I try to get my hands on the 1st trade edition, it’s sold out. Including three different stalls at Comic-Con!
Summary: As Clint’s apprentice in hero-ing (hero-ism? hero-ising?), Kate believes it’s her duty to give Natasha ‘the shovel talk’, and it doesn’t matter HOW terrified she is.
Author's Note: I had a great idea for the Secret Santa... then I realised it was actually a sequel to what I wrote last year, and thus wouldn’t exactly be ‘secret’. So I tried this instead... hope my recipient likes it anyway!



There were many reasons Kate Bishop liked Saturday mornings – including the fact that she hardly ever got shot at, because the majority of the wannabe-supervillain world liked sleeping in as much as she did – but one of them was breakfast with Clint. Not only did she genuinely like his company, but he made pancakes which could be served to visiting Heads of State without insult.

When Kate let herself in (with her key. Normally, she’d practise her lock picking skills, but she knew just enough about Clint’s security system to be aware she wouldn’t just be courting death, but outright sexting with it) Clint was nowhere to be seen. Her mentor in thrilling heroics was usually up with the birds (snicker) so that left three possibilities:

1) He’d been kidnapped/assaulted/just plain injured by random Bad Guys: unlikely. As far as Kate could tell, no one with hostile intentions knew about his Brooklyn apartment, and the only disorder around the place was the usual chaos – there was no way that Clint would ever go quietly. Unless he’d been brainwashed, but someone would have already informed her about that.

2) He’d been called off on a mission for the Avengers or SHIELD sometime last night: also unlikely. Clint didn’t update her every time he left the building or anything, but Saturday morning pancakes was a standing thing – on the few occasions he’d had to skip out, he’d always found a way to let her know.

3) He’d found himself what could be politely termed ‘female company’ last night, and was sleeping it off and/or still entertaining said company: not only the most likely reason, but the most common.

Kate did some mental eye-rolling, and then let herself indulge in some physical eye-rolling as well while she started assembling the ingredients for the pancakes herself. Since Clint hadn’t called her for a getaway ride, he must be on his way back under his own steam.

When she turned around, Kate found herself face to face with another woman, who had managed to materialise out of thin air in roughly three seconds. Only her Hawkeye-trained reactions kept her from dropping three eggs on the floor.

But then, Natasha Romanoff was better at being stealthy and sneaky than just about anyone Kate had ever met.
“Dobroye utro,” the redhead greeted her calmly.
“Right back atcha,” Kate managed. As she turned to carefully place the intact eggs into a bowl, she rapidly processed the other woman’s appearance.

Natasha’s beautiful face was utterly bare, her gorgeous hair was casually rumpled, and the usually immaculate super-spy showed every sign of not caring. A mere one or two layers beneath her customary calm surface, she exuded satisfaction – like a cat who’s not only snitched the cream without being found out, but also managed to get all the dolphin-safe tuna in the pantry as well.

And, oh yeah... she didn’t seem to be wearing anything but one of Clint’s T-shirts.

His Achtung Baby tour T-shirt!

Conclusion: Clint and Natasha had spent last night doing their best to break his bed with what was bound to be some really spectacular sex. (Kate suppressed a tiny surge of envy)

However, Kate had seen the look on Clint’s face whenever he said Natasha’s name, and so she also knew that despite his ex-wife and not even God knew how many hook-ups and even a couple of attempts at a real relationship, Natasha wasn’t just Clint’s family (along with Coulson and the original Avengers crew), or his best friend. Natasha Romanoff was the closest thing Clint would ever have to a One True Love.

So for her to spend the night in his bed? That meant the two of them had finally worked up the nerve for a shot at being in an actual, grown-up, functioning relationship of the love connection kind, as opposed to the side-by-side and back-to-back badassery kind that they’d perfected years before Kate had ever picked up a bow and arrow.

On one hand, Kate was happy for the two of them, because Clint was one of her favourite people ever, and Natasha was one of the few people she never minded sharing his time with.

On the other hand... her Jedi Master had a really, really, bad track record with relationships. As in he seemed to be compelled to commit acts of idiocy that left any woman with half a brain no choice but to dump him on the spot.

On the other, other hand – he was her Jedi Master, and Kate needed to have his back because he was more vulnerable to Natasha Romanoff than anyone else on Earth.

So... this seemed like a moment that cried out for ‘the shovel talk’.

Why were her knees trembling?


* * * *

A few minutes later, Kate sat on one of the kitchen stools and watched Natasha cook pancakes as efficiently and competently as she did everything else.

“So... you and Clint?”

Natasha looked over her shoulder, and met Kate’s eyes dead-on. “Yes.”

(Why had she thought ‘dead-on’??? Dead was not a word Kate needed to be thinking about right now!)

Kate cleared her throat.

Then licked her lips.

Natasha looked at her expectantly.

Kate took a deep breath, and began, “Look, I’m pretty sure that in any other circumstances, you’d be the one delivering this speech-”

Kate looked at Natasha’s hand hovering over the cutlery drawer.

(“Oh yeah!” Clint enthused. “Nat killed the President of Paraguay with a fork! She had to miss the question round of the beauty pageant and she still came in third!”)

Kate gulped, and continued, “But in this case, as Barton’s Padawan I’m pretty sure that I have to do this, as part of my sacred duty or whatever-”

Natasha held up a finger in a ‘just a minute’ gesture, and reached over to turn down the stove with one hand and flip the pancake in the frying pan with the other.

(Kate is sitting on the floor, back against the sofa, and contentedly listening to Barton – Clint – talk on the phone to his work spouse. “Wait, wasn’t that the time you killed that guy with the frying pan? Huh. Are you sure it was cooking spray?”

Kate really, really wants to meet this woman.)

Kate readied herself to dive in pretty much any direction, and blurted out, “IhaveashovelandI’mnotafraidtouseit!!”

(Who the hell did she think she was kidding? Kate is fucking terrified of having to use a shovel on the Black Widow!)

Natasha set a plate with a pancake on it in front of her, and replied, “I think I’m missing something in the translation. Rewind, repeat, eat while it’s warm.”

Kate looked down at the pancake, and saw that Nat had used maple syrup to draw the outline of a hawk, back winging in for landing.

She sighed, and lifted her head to look her mentor’s lover directly in the eyes.

“Okay, I know that Clint’s got a history of screwing up relationships by doing stupid shit. If he does that, and you dump his ass, I’m not gonna blame you. But if you screw with his head and dump him, I am morally obligated as his apprentice to come after you with a shovel. So – a vague disclaimer is no one’s friend. If you break his heart, I have to at least attempt to break your kneecaps or something.”


* * * *

Natasha carefully bites back a smile, because she’s pretty sure Kate will be offended if Natasha lets slip how adorable she’s being.

“Understood,” Natasha tells Clint’s sidekick solemnly. “But I’m not planning on breaking his heart. I’m planning on keeping it for good.”

Kate nods, and tucks into her pancake – which is nowhere near as good as Clint’s would have been, Natasha knows.

Of course, if Kate does come after her with a shovel, Natasha will not stand there and take it, no matter how heartbroken Clint might be. Even though Natasha herself had fantasized about killing Bobbi Morse for several years after her recruitment, no matter that Clint had been divorced before they ever met. If she has broken Clint’s heart at the time, however, Natasha vows she will not use any lethal measures against Kate, shovel or not.

Actually... Natasha is glad that Clint has someone so loyal to him, and makes a mental note that if Kate ever does come after her with a shovel, Natasha will also refrain from dealing her any permanent injury as well.


FINI
Translation note: According to Google Translate, Natasha says ‘Good Morning’ to Kate in Russian; at least I think this is the version without unpronounceable Cyrillic lettering.
Do I need to remind anyone that Achtung Baby is a U2 album?