20 June 2014 @ 08:18 am
ATTF Assassins and Administration  
We’ve all seen them, those blow-uppy action movies.  The kind that ends (or middles, because the very last thing is usually a fist fight) with 57 smashed-up vehicles littering the flyover and the streets below, including a school bus, a Greyhound, a semi-truck with a Humpty Dumpty logo and at least six police cars?  Or the ones with a shootout that leaves seventeen black-clad bodies in a suburban shopping mall, or on the steps of a tourist-rich national monument?  You have?  Thought so.

Now, have you ever left the theatre wondering what people's paperwork would look like, after something like that?  For the agents, who just killed in the line of duty (seventeen times!!  with a letter opener!) or even merely discharged their firearms in public repeatedly?  Or for Nora from Accounting, who has to write off the flying car and reimburse Barton for the vintage Springsteen t-shirt with the bullet holes (“Why can’t that headcase just wear the SHIELD standard issue black Under Armour, like everybody else”)?  Or for Maria Hill ("Banner did WHAT?  At Tiffany's??")

At some point, reality will (or should) come crashing down on heroes with a vengeance – and bless Marvel for bringing us the occasional congressional hearing to make that point.  The paperwork will be as epic as the battles.  And organizations like SHIELD probably don’t self-administrate, either.   This is where today’s topic comes in!

Let’s have your snippets of head canon, your prompts and your ficlets, your recs and your self-recs:  Assassins and Administration!

Some samples/mini promots to get your creative juices flowing, and to unlock the memory banks for those recs:

  • Who rents (and services) the safe houses in which Clint and Natasha stitch up their wounds and advance their relationship, in places like Astana, Quito and Milton Keynes?


  • Did Fury sign a death certificate for Coulson?  What did he put on it?


  • Does SHIELD have a pension plan?


  • What did the write-up look like for the lie detector test that Natasha beat?  Or the one Maria Hill took at Stark Industries?


  • Can you imagine Hawkeye trying to fill in the expense claim after that mission in New Mexico?  (“You’re claiming meal allowances for how many days, Barton?  You weren’t exactly working for SHIELD the last three, plus your report said you weren’t even fed!”)


 I think you get the idea.

So here's a rec:

Permit A38” by old_chatterhand (General, no warnings apply):  Phil Coulson died.  And then he got better. The story of the agent who had to deal with the paperwork.  Not a Clint/Natasha story, really, but the gold standard for the bureaucrat’s POV.

And a self rec (sorry, but I want you to feel that that's okay, because you know best what you may have done that fits the bill):

AfterMath” (T, no warnings apply):  Based on the Promptathon prompts ““Clint and Natasha doing the inevitable paperwork after an assignment is over” and “… bribing each other with the most outrageous things to get the other to do all of the paperwork.”
Ready, set – go!

And don’t forget these essentials:

Things to remember:
1) Always label NSFW (Not Safe For Work) stuff in the title and post under a cut.
2) Fic and artwork needs to have a rating and warnings (or you can say that you’ve chosen not to use warnings).
3) For people with annoying internet connections, say in the title if a comment is graphic/images/gif-heavy and post picspams under a cut.
4) Have a damn good time! (Because if that’s not happening then this post has clearly failed.)

 
 
 
Current Mood: IT'S FRIDAY!!!
 
 
( Post a new comment )
scribblemyname: black widow[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 02:08 pm (UTC)
Love, love, love Permit A38 and loved the other one long time ago. Thinking I'm going to have to fic something about those safehouses....
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 03:22 pm (UTC)
YES. You must!! I have stuck references to Clint complaining about the inadequacies of SHIELD safehouses, or the "Accommodation and Property Section", into a number of my fics (Warmth, Silver Bells and one of the ficlets in Bandaids come to mind) but it would be interesting to read one from their POV.

"We keep getting complaints about the conditions of the sheets, whenever Barton and Romanoff have been some place. This is the third one in four weeks."

"Send out that memo again, then. You know, the one about how to get the blood out? It's not rocket science, is it."

"Emm ..."

"What is it? Come on, spit it out. I got work to do. That place in Yerevan, where Barton stashed the zombie monks? The owner wants compensation -- he can't the smell out."

"Emmm ... It's not
blood they're complaining about."

Edited 2014-06-20 03:23 pm (UTC)
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 03:38 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, hilarious.

Will get right on that. I just had to go wrap up my remix first. Which, wrapped. Yay.
[identity profile] happilydancing.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 04:21 pm (UTC)
I'm try to...I just...

LMAO
[identity profile] jacedesbff.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 02:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, there is a *great* story about there about the clean-up crew that has to come in after SHIELD blows things up. Then one day Steve shows up to help. Not a Clintasha fic, but a good team fic, and a fascinating look at what goes on behind the scenes. Now if only I could remember at ALL what it's called... Humph! The concept is awesome, though. :-)
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 02:26 pm (UTC)
I think I bookmarked it. Let me go look...

Drat it. Not finding it. Sorry.

Edited 2014-06-20 02:42 pm (UTC)
inkvoices: avengers:jane book love[personal profile] inkvoices on June 22nd, 2014 08:25 pm (UTC)
Is it this one: Just Another Day by Jenna/JKByers?
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 22nd, 2014 08:27 pm (UTC)
Yes! That's the one I was thinking of.
inkvoices: avengers:assassins smile[personal profile] inkvoices on June 23rd, 2014 06:56 am (UTC)
Success! :D
[identity profile] jacedesbff.livejournal.com on June 23rd, 2014 06:26 pm (UTC)
That's the one!! :-)
[identity profile] happilydancing.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 04:19 pm (UTC)
OMG SHIELD pension plan. Folks are probably now PISSED. I'm assuming they wouldn't be recieved now that SHIELD is gone, right? Or would they?

I'm just imagining a whole lotta people applying for unemployment.

Also...Astana, Quito and Milton Keynes...can I admit I have never heard of any of these places? So unsophisticated!
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 05:31 pm (UTC)
Believe me, Astana is not worth knowing. (See 'Warmth'...)

But yes! To the pension plan issue. I remember the woes here in Silicone Valley North when a lot of the HiTech firms crashed, and pensions were lost ...

And unemployment? Imagine Clint having to try and file:

"I apologize for the wait, Mr. Barton. Recession, you know. So, what did you do for the government?"

"I kill people."

"Now, Mr. Barton. I realize you've been standing in line for three hours, but that is no reason to get snarky. I'm a government employee too, you know. we're practically colleagues."

"No, really. I kill people. Including Nazi bureaucrats."

"Very funny, Mr. Barton. Dying of laughter here. I'll put down 'stand-up comic' then."

"Remember that African dictator that died mysteriously in a hail of arrows a few years back? Was all over the news. And that guy they found in TriBeCa last night? Nazi bureaucrat, that last one."

"Oh. My. Holy ... Yessir. Whatever you say, sir."

"Right. Oh, and
assassin has four 's'."



Edited 2014-06-20 05:32 pm (UTC)
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 05:45 pm (UTC)
Oy. I want this fic. :makes grabby hands:
[identity profile] happilydancing.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 07:23 pm (UTC)
Ok, unlike this government employee, I really am dying of laughter!!!
[identity profile] morrighangw.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 11:06 pm (UTC)
*snort* Oh Clint. XD
[identity profile] frea-o.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 06:37 pm (UTC)
There's a great not-Clintasha-at-all (I think if anything it's Bruce/Clint) fic where Coulson sits all of the Avengers down and makes them fill out superhero related paperwork, which includes selecting a candidate to have sex with you in the event of a sex-pollen attack. The Avengers talked among themselves and all put Coulson down as their answer for this.

But man, it really makes you wonder about some of the protocols they have in place for certain events. I was hoping that Agents of SHIELD would go into this a little bit more, but they chose to introduce SHIELD academies (while claiming to be a secret organization) and other things, and it felt like Hogwarts, so I stopped hoping for protocol porn from them.

I really want a fic where Clint gets bored of writing reports and starts using a thesaurus to make things more interesting, much to the annoyance of the records office.
[identity profile] happilydancing.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 07:31 pm (UTC)
This is interesting because when I started reading fic, I of course thought all the recurring stuff was pretty much canon (since I had zero knowledge of the comics and didn't know there were a gazillion different stories in the comics and MCU is a separate thing anyway), and I was like "really? Natasha actually sleeps with people (goes all the way) and kills them for SHIELD?" Now I think she never did that at all (at least for SHIELD), I just can't see Fury requiring that of her.

LOLLLL about the thesaurus. I can also see him writing. "Flew to Beijing. Shot arrow thru eye. Flew back. "
[identity profile] sugar-fey.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 08:41 pm (UTC)
I was really hoping that AoS would go into the bureaucracy of SHIELD and its inner workings, since I think that has great comedic potential (see Angel Season 5: "You have reached ritual sacrifice! For goats, press one...") and would also be interesting, but the show's focus on a small group working apart from SHIELD protocol put an end to that. Ah, well.
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 02:57 am (UTC)
Yeah -- I was hoping for a bit more on that kind of thing myself. Although I did get into the show after a while, especially the Cap2 arc.

But, yeah. Protocol.

"Does SHIELD expect us to fill out a kill report when it has tentacles, Coulson?"

"Absolutely. That was a sentient life form, Skye. They are equal to humans."

"I think that's Star Trek you're thinking of, sir. Isn't it, Fitz?"

"I don't remember anything about sentient life forms when I went to the Academy. I do remember that kill reports went up to 32 pages after I left the field, though."

"Second thought, you're right, guys. We'll file it under scampi, super-sized. Fry it again."
[identity profile] morrighangw.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 04:14 am (UTC)
*sporfle*
[identity profile] happilydancing.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 04:17 pm (UTC)
Marvel needs to hire you as a writer!
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 22nd, 2014 08:27 pm (UTC)
:cracks up: This deserves a whole ficlet.
inkvoices: avengers:shield exasperated[personal profile] inkvoices on June 22nd, 2014 08:28 pm (UTC)
I was after this also. And now also have the urge to rewatch season 5 of Angel...

Wait, wait, wait, after all the fandom chatter about Coulson and paperwork does this mean that Coulson now gets to decide what paperwork and protocols SHIELD has?!
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 22nd, 2014 08:31 pm (UTC)
Wow, that is a very scary thought.
inkvoices: avengers:clint comic miscalculation[personal profile] inkvoices on June 23rd, 2014 06:58 am (UTC)
Coulson, save yourself and make mission paperwork short and simple!
[identity profile] findthesea.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 09:36 pm (UTC)
Oh my god I want this fic so bad. That's all.
[identity profile] frea-o.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 01:32 am (UTC)
Sounds like one of us needs to get on thesaurus.com, you know?? :) I volunteer NOT ME.
[identity profile] findthesea.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 01:42 am (UTC)
BWAH DON'T TEMPT ME. I already have to beta/post my remix, a Sharon Carter fic, and a Clintasha post WS fic. And. Yet. Why am I considering this.
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 02:44 am (UTC)
You 'n me both, babe. My remix fic is done and I'm not QUITE ready to get on with my Marvel_Bang ... Plus, bureaucracy. How I (not) love thee ...

Race ya? ;-)
scribblemyname: clint barton[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 06:47 pm (UTC)
Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
A/N: More coming, but I knew I could get this bit done today, so did so.

Standard SHIELD procedure requires that all safehouses be “cleaned” after any occupation lasting longer than ten minutes.



The cleaning girls always know exactly who has been in a safehouse just by looking at it.


“Which is technically really bad,” Katie points out as she cheerfully disposes of the rumpled sheets left by a more amorous partnership. “If we can identify someone by their bad personal habits, then so could someone else.”


Hayley shakes her head at the ceiling. “Can somebody please tell Hawkeye to stop throwing things?”


Katie raises her eyebrows. “Don’t think they’ll get very far.” Then she cranes her neck to look upward. “What’d he do this time?”


“Her shirt had blood on it.” Hayley’s lips thinned into a frown. “That’s genetic material, peoples.” She threw up her hands and went to grab a stool. “Field agents.”


“Blood…” Katie grimaces and breaks out the carpet cleaner.



They fill out the very, very, very long form at the end of their visit, checking off surfaces they had to clean (everything) of what (lipstick, blood, food crumbs, and worse), supplies that needed refilling (refrigerator, first aid kit, ammunition), items retrieved not listed in inventory (a length of wire, a local phrase book [probably playing tourists], one incredibly sharp knife, and one neon green sock [“the last cleaners had to have missed that”]), and things that need repair (squeaky door hinge, broken mattress springs, and the wall behind the dartboard where the knife had gone through [“Who installed that?”]).


At the end of the fifth sheet on the form, Katie makes a note of protest—again—about the abuse their safehouses take from Strike Team Delta.



Edited 2014-06-20 06:56 pm (UTC)
[identity profile] happilydancing.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 07:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
Hahahahaha, love it!! Strike Team Delta is rowdy!
scribblemyname: blackhawk[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 08:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
Thanks. I got inspired by alphaflyer's comment and went with it.
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 02:45 am (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
Awww! I've never inspired someone before ... :-)
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 08:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
YES! Very funny! :-) "Safehouse Abuse" -- love it. Hope you get the time to flesh this out further!! :-)
scribblemyname: clintasha[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 20th, 2014 08:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
Will do this weekend shortly! Thank you. And for the inspiration. I seriously have plans for this little idea.

Edited 2014-06-23 08:04 pm (UTC)
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 23rd, 2014 09:10 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
I saw what you did there, with the strikeout ... ;-)

Psst: I'm no further ahead with the "Barton Uses A Thesaurus" ficlet I was contemplating. (Editing my remix took more time than I thought it would.) I think it will be very, very short if I get it done ...
scribblemyname[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 23rd, 2014 09:19 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
Glad to know I'm not the only one! My sister was sick this weekend, so I did a lot of helping her out and then today, I just feel fried.
[identity profile] morrighangw.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 11:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES.
scribblemyname: avengers[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 22nd, 2014 08:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Fic: Please Cease and Desist This Safehouse Abuse | Rate: Teen+
:grins:
[identity profile] spyforaday.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 10:15 pm (UTC)
My mind tends to wander in a somewhat more private sector/capitalist direction these days. I think of the Avengers almost as private contractors now. Their "funding" coming from Stark Industries would free them from government red tape and paperwork. And if there's one thing Tony Stark hates, it's paperwork. So, I see necessities (paycheck/retainer, living arrangements, food, vehicles) and other things (weapons, uniforms, gadgets, medical equipment, intel) just kinda showing up for everyone. Although, Clint likes to point out how he and Natasha are saving Stark money, if not aggravation, by only needing one apartment. After several attempts at using such items as tax write-offs -- and being unceremoniously rejected -- the accounting dept codes them as "miscellaneous business expenses" and Pepper signs off. Stark Industries continues generating revenue and the Avengers continue saving the world.
[identity profile] alphaflyer.livejournal.com on June 20th, 2014 11:07 pm (UTC)
That is, I believe, what "the privatization of global security" means -- but then the IRS might come back to audit those "miscellaneous business expenses" ...
[identity profile] crazy4orcas.livejournal.com on June 21st, 2014 01:34 am (UTC)
Just popped in to leave a couple of recs.

Here's the one [livejournal.com profile] frea_o was talking about:

Questionnaire (http://archiveofourown.org/works/519807) by storiesfortravellers, rated M.

This one mentions paperwork so I think it still counts:

Paperwork (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8205179/1/Paperwork) by Aea, rated T. Summary: Five times Natasha had to shoot Clint, and the one time she just wanted to, as reported by Phil Coulson. Warnings for mentions of suicide, torture, and non-graphic violence.

A different take on the marriage!fic:

the american dream (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8324752/1/the-american-dream) by rollingplains, rated T. Summary: Because they're not always above the law.
scribblemyname: hawkeye[personal profile] scribblemyname on June 22nd, 2014 08:29 pm (UTC)
Absolutely ADORED Paperwork.