A Gift From: sgteam14283
Type Of Gift: Fic
Title: Operation: Mess with the Press
A Gift For: impactvelocity
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary/Prompt Used: with all the attention on the Avengers after New York, Natasha decides to get a little of her own revenge.
Author's Note: Fake dating/married is one of my favorite tropes so I had a lot of fun writing this! Enjoy!



Operation: Mess with the Press

Natasha Romanov wasn’t above reading tabloids. Call it a guilty pleasure or morbid curiosity to watch people’s lives crash and burn in the most public way, but whenever there was a particularly long flight in her future she managed to pick up a stack of trashy magazine’s to occupy her time. Even when some of her targets were in the spotlight, she managed to avoid the flashing camera’s or paid off the paparazzi to ‘lose’ the film.

Then the sky above Manhattan exploded and she was thrust into the spotlight of phone camera’s so Natasha was surprised when she walked out a well known New York restaurant and was greeted with flashing lights and shouts of who was she wearing, was she on a date, is she living at Stark Tower now? It was easy enough to lose them, but they kept showing up and it was annoying her.

The only solace was that they were hounding the rest of the Avengers as well and Clint was particularly miserable.

—

Clint Barton didn’t like the spotlight. He knew that it was ironic coming from a former carney, but the fact that he couldn’t get a slice of pizza without people pulling out their phones and snapping pictures of the guy who didn’t miss was annoying. When he complained to Stark, Tony just smiled and said he’d better get used to it; he was the face of SHIELD now even if he didn’t like it.

“Face of SHIELD…says the man who blew his own secret identity.” Clint thought to himself as he picked up his bow and quiver, wanting to blow off some steam at the range at the Triskelion. Making his way there Clint noticed that he got a lot more glances than normal, telling him that even SHIELD operatives read the tabloids. Clint tried not to let it bother him but at the same time his new found celebrity status was troubling; if he couldn’t step outside without camera’s pointing in his direction, covert ops were out of the question so where did that leave him at SHIELD?

Arriving at the range, Clint saw that Natasha had beaten him and was currently taking her own frustrations out at the paparazzi by destroying as many copies as she could with her handgun. Raising an eyebrow at the shreds of paper on the ground, he waited until Natasha had emptied her clip before saying, “I take it they won’t leave you alone either.”

“I can’t even get a cup of coffee at my bodega anymore.” Natasha sighed while unloading her gun and thumbing the safety on.

“I have to have my pizza delivered.” Clint grimaced at saying the words as he checked the tension in the string on his bow. “They’re always bugging me about who I’m dating. Like…who cares?”

“Same here, although I get the ‘who are you wearing’ one as well. And ‘how do you stay so thin,’ you know all the standard questions they ask female celebrities.” Looking at Clint, Natasha could see that he was just as frustrated and suddenly had an idea. Tilting her head slightly, she was silent for a moment before asking, “What do you think about messing with the press?”

Clint paused in putting on his arm guards and looked up at Natasha to see that she was giving him a slight smile, a sign that she had something already planned. Narrowing his eyes he asked, “How?”

“We pretend that we’re dating, nothing too serious but just enough to fuck with them enough. And drive Coulson up a wall as well.”

“What about Hill?”

“Maybe her as well.”

Clint smiled at the image of Maria reading about their relationship and getting so red in the face she went down to May’s corner of the world to get the HR paperwork herself. Sticking out his hand he said, “Deal.”

So they started teasing the paparazzi; holding hands when walking on the street heading towards Stark Tower, getting ice cream at a hole-in-the-wall place and tipping off TMZ beforehand. Although the best one was when they were helping one of the neighborhoods that was destroyed during the fight.

“Don’t look up, but some paparazzi are here.” Natasha said as she handed Clint a dustpan so he could help her sweep up debris. Her, Clint, and Steve had decided to help a neighborhood that was still cleaning up after their fight and while at first the residents were a bit wary of the trio, but when they saw the offer to help clean up was genuine they were more than glad to have Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawkeye pick up bricks and shards of glass.

“Yeah? Want to give them something for a bidding war?” Clint asked in a low tone as he took the dustpan with a smile.

Natasha shook her head and took Clint’s empty hand, threading her fingers with his. “Maybe later, but how about laughing like I just said something funny?”

“I’m gonna brush some invisible dirt off you face." Clint said before letting out a laugh like Nat had just said the most adorable thing and reached out to brush some dirt off of her face. “Think that’ll bait them?”

“I think so.” Natasha said while feeling her face heat up. The warning had been nice, but she couldn’t ignore the shiver down her spine as Clint touched her. Clearing her throat she went back to helping people pick up the pieces of the lives but as she did, the memory of Clint’s thumb ghosting over her cheek was in the back of her mind.

—

Clint made a sound of disgust as he gave up trying to tie the bow tie. “Remind me why we’re going to this again?” he asked while turning around to see Natasha finish putting on her earrings. Stark was holding a benefit for rebuilding lower Manhattan and Fury had told both of them that an appearance was mandatory.

“Because this is when we really start fucking with the press.” Natasha replied as she walked towards Clint and quickly tied the bow tie. “And Fury said that we needed to play nice with Tony for the time being.”

“Fine. But I’m stealing a bottle of champagne for later.” Clint shrugged on the tux jacket and made a few adjustments before walking out down the stairs of his walk-up and into the waiting limo with Natasha. Fortunately all of the press seemed to be waiting for them at the event, and when they stepped out onto the literal red carpet Clint blinked against the glare of the flashing lights.

“Agent Barton! Back from your latest mission?”

"Agent Romanov! Is the dress couture?”

“Agent Barton! Are you two dating?”

Clint glanced at Natasha who was smiling for the camera’s and he could tell that she was giving the camera’s a coy smile (the one she wore when grifting a target) before glancing at him. Doing the same himself, he plastered on a smile and gave a wave while saying, “Yes we are.”

Almost instantly the flashes increased as did the shouting; When did they start dating? Where did they go on their first date? Did SHIELD know about the relationship? Did becoming partners lead to them falling in love?

The last question thew Clint and he looked into the throng of reporters, wondering who had shouted the question and why. Sure he cared for Natasha but only in the ‘you’ve saved my ass too many times to count and I’d do the same for you’ way. Looking at Nat in the dark blue dress with the print on the bottom and a light blue belt around her waist, her red hair in slight curls and carefully arraigned, Clint felt something in the back of his mind whisper that she was particularly pretty tonight.

Mentally shaking the thought away, Clint reminded himself that this was a scam to fuck with the press and it meant nothing. Taking a breath, he took Natasha’s hand and shot another smile for the press as they walked up the steps.

—

The next morning Natasha sat down in the cafeteria with her breakfast and instantly had the society page slapped down in front of her; the photo of her and Clint dancing as they smiled at each other staring back at her. Looking up, she saw Maria sliding in the seat across the table from her. “Deputy Director.” Natasha said, knowing what was going to come out of Hill’s mouth before she spoke.

“Barton? Really?”

Natasha shrugged and took a bite of her breakfast sandwich. “He’s cute in a tux.”

“This is the same man who infamously wrote ‘Arrows. A lot.’ and expected Accounting to take that as a receipt.”

“I think I can straighten him out. Or at least his inventory."

“He fell into a dumpster only to find that Daredevil was in the same dumpster.”

“I have a thing for human disasters.”

Maria pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and signed, “Just…fill out the HR paperwork and have it on my desk before the end of the day.”

“Will do.” Natasha nodded and allowed herself a smile as Hill walked away. Pulling out her phone, she quickly texted Clint.

Hill just told to me to fill out the paperwork.

-Nat

Her phone buzzed a minute later.

Already? Damn…owe you twenty bucks.

-Clint

Natasha stared at the message for a minute before replying.

Make it dinner at the new Mario Batali place and we’ll call it even.

-Nat

You do know there’s a five month waiting list for that place.

-Clint

You’re a famous secret agent, use your influence to get us a spot. And I’ll tip off the paparazzi.

-Nat

—

Natasha was sitting in the main room of Stark Tower, amused at the celebrity section of People was sporting pictures of her and Clint when they were at DC party last week-not working but to make sure Tony didn’t do anything stupid as he lobbied for more money to aid in the rebuilding of some of the lower-income neighborhoods (so slightly working) when Steve waked into the room.

Seeing the photo, Steve raised an eyebrow while asking, “You and Clint are dating?”

Natasha looked up and shrugged, “Does it matter?”

“Not in the field, I know that you both can focus on the mission at hand. But Clint?”

Knowing that Steve was being hounded by the press just as much as they were, maybe even more since he’d been touted as figure of Americana during and after the war. Maybe that’s what made her say, “Actually we’re just doing it to fuck with the press. They won’t leave us alone so we thought why not have some fun with it?”

“That makes a little more sense.” Steve said while smiling and sitting on the arm of the couch. “Also sounds like fun.”

“It is. Although we have to make sure that they know where we are so we can put on the act.” Natasha said as she had an idea. Looking at Steve she asked, “They’re in your face as well right?”

“Yeah. Always asking me how I’m adjusting to this time and if I miss the forties.” Steve sighed, absently rubbing his forehead. “Like I miss getting smallpox and rationing.”

Biting back a smile, Natasha tilted her head as her idea began to fully form. “Wanna have some fun?”

—

Clint phone buzzed and he looked at it to see that it was a news alert. He’d set up the alert so whenever one of the celebrity blogs or news sites posting something about their fake relationship he could forward it to Natasha and they’d share a few laughs about it. Deciding that he’d look at it later, Clint set down his phone when it buzzed again. Then again. And again.

Curious, Clint picked his phone back up and opened it to see that there were at least ten news alerts. Picking one at random he waited as the web browser opened and the page loaded.

Love in a New Time for Captain America?

Agent Natasha Romanov was spotted this afternoon getting rather cozy with Captain America, Steve Rogers, over at an Italian restaurant in the Bronx. A close source said that her and Agent Clint Barton were ‘taking a break’ to-

Clint exited out of the site, knowing that the rest would just be made up crap that anyone gullible enough would believe. The rest of the alerts were the same; Natasha and Steve getting ice cream, walking in Central Park, and trying to have a private moment on the street.

“All the same stuff that we’ve done.” Clint thought as he tried to ignore the jealous feeling that had settled in his chest while spotting a text from Natasha.

Clint, going to give even more food to the sharks by pretending to go on a date with Steve (which he said would be ‘the best fucking thing he’s done so far’).

-Nat

Seeing that it was all fake again eased the tightness, but it left Clint wondering why the hell he should feel jealous about something that wasn’t real in the first place.

Got reservations for the Mario Batali place on Sat. Wear the black dress you wore when we first met.

-Clint

—
Dinner at the Mario Batali restaurant was amazing as Natasha had heard it would be. And to keep her end of the bargain she placed an anonymous call to one of the tabloid tip lines so the photographers were jockeying for space as their limo pulled away from the curb and into Saturday night traffic.

“You do realize this is how Princess Diana died right?” Clint asked as he stared at the reporters who were running along the sidewalk, shouting questions and trying to get a candid shot of them to sell for a ridiculous price.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Natasha replied with a smile that made Clint narrow his eyes as he tried to figure out if she was messing with him or not. As Clint sat back in the seat, she noticed how relaxed he’d seemed during dinner (despite the fact that more than a few people tried to stealthily take photos of them) and suddenly wondered what it’d be like to go on a real date with him. Surprising herself at the thought, Natasha turned to look at the passing scenery to distract her burning cheeks.

It felt like the limo arrived at her place all to quickly and Natasha found herself not wanting to leave Clint. “Why am I nervous? He’s dropped me off from things before.” Natasha thought to herself as they got out of the limo together and Clint payed the driver.

Watching him walk up, hands in his pocket and collar undone with his tie loosened, she felt her stomach squeeze with…something. Opening her mouth to ask if he’d like to come up to her place when he said, “I think I left some arrows at your place, mind if I grab them?”

Natasha was confused, she hadn’t seen any arrows laying around when she’d last checked but could have glossed over them. “Sure…I mean if you’re fine walking home.”

“I’m a master assassin, why wouldn’t I?” Clint asked as he pulled open the entry door for Natasha and she walked passed him.

“Says the man who ended up in a dumpster with Daredevil.” Natasha pressed the button for the elevator and turned to give Clint a smirk.

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up? I wanted to break my fall, how was I supposed to know that he’d crawled in there to hide from some bad guys?” Clint asked as the elevator arrived and they stepped inside.

“Because only that could happen to you.” Natasha said, following Clint into the elevator. As the door closed she started to turn around to face the door and was surprised when Clint grabbed her wrist and pulled her in for a heated kiss.

“Clint.” Natasha gasped as he moved away from her mouth and towards her neck.

Clint paused as he took at step back, looking at Natasha. He’d known it was a gamble, kissing her, and he hoped that he wasn’t going to get his ass kicked. Again.

But instead of being angry Natasha looked like she was amused. Cautiously licking his lips, Clint took a breath. “Nat?”

“I’m surprised it took you this long.”

Clint let out a chuckle and ran a hand through his hair. “So you’ve felt it too?”

Natasha leaned against the cool metal of the elevator and let a breath out. “Being…happy?” she asked.

Clint opened his mouth to reply but before he could speak, the doors slid open with a ding and another couple stepped inside. Years of espionage had trained them to adapt to any situation and so Clint hit the button for Natasha’s floor and wordlessly moved closer to her, letting the other couple stand in the front. The ride to the floor was silent, but in the stillness Clint reached for Natasha’s hand and when he found it, gave it a light squeeze and was slightly reassured that she felt the same when she returned it.

The walk to the door to Natasha’s apartment was short, but once they were inside the stillness was almost overwhelming.

“Give me a minute.” Natasha said over her shoulder as she walked towards the bedroom while unclasping the back of her dress.

“Uh…yeah sure.” Clint uselessly stuffed his hands into the pockets, suddenly not sure what to do. He’d been in Nat’s place before, the cozy modern look always making him feel like someone other than Natasha lived here; but then he saw her in the worn yoga pants and faded t-shirt and knew that it was just one of the many sides of his partner.

While he was waiting, Milo sauntered in and Clint gave the cat an absent scratch on the head. Milo let out a faint hiss and Clint resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yeah, I know but Lucky’s not going anywhere so you’re gonna have to get used to the dog smell.” he muttered while loosening his tie ever further and somewhere in the back of his mind wondered if it was too late to catch a flight to Iowa and visit his sister Laura and her kids until everything cooled off.

God knows he could use the vacation.

“Sorry about that, needed to get out of those heels. They might look nice but damn, they kill my feet.” Natasha said as she reappeared in her usual lounge wear.

“That’s okay.” Clint all but fell onto the couch, letting out a small sigh as he sank down into it. “Gave me time to think.”

“About what?” Natasha paused when she heard the words, wondering if Clint was suddenly realizing the elevator kiss was a mistake and having second thoughts about this whole thing.

“About us…this whole thing. I mean, I don’t regret what just happened but…” Clint trailed off, suddenly not sure how to verbalize it all.

“But what?”

“It makes things confusing. I know that you make me feel less like a dumpster fire but where’s that line, y’know?

Natasha sat next to Clint as he was talking and laced her fingers through his, realizing that she had the same concerns about this whole thing. “What’s real and what’s playing to the camera’s?”

“Exactly.”

“So what do we do? Have some spectacular break up play out in the press like Brad and Jennifer? Or do we just…be ourselves for once?”

Clint gave Natasha a shocked look that made her laugh slightly. “Give up our fifteen minutes of fame? However will we be able to go out without the press hounding us?”

“I think we’ll manage it. Although Fury might not reinstate Strike Team Delta. Or at least not put us on anything that requires us to interact with the public.”

“Well as long as he doesn’t put us with Stark I might come around to the idea of being an instructor.” Clint said as Natasha leaned her head against his shoulder and shifted to put an arm around her shoulders. “But I think that it just being us is a good idea. What do you think?”

“I think it’s a good idea.” she said softly, moving to give Clint a soft on the lips.