Warnings: for dangerous levels of fluff, adorableness, and crack-like ridiculousness


Career Day

“So,” Ms. Taylor said brightly, “Claire tells me that the two of you are librarians.”

Clint choked mid-sip on the lukewarm coffee he’d been given. “Librarians?” he finally managed. He glanced over at the innocent-looking six year old with the big blue eyes and the strawberry blonde hair standing next to him.

“Yep,” Claire said, managing to pull off a convincing poker face and a serene smile all at once.

Clint looked over at his wife, who just crossed her arms and give him the patented This-was-your-idea-Clint-Barton eyebrow raise. You’re the one who let her talk you into it; now you’re going to get us out of it.

“Yeah,” Clint found himself saying, setting down the coffee to avoid any future mishaps and facing the classroom full of children. “Librarians. That’s us.”

“Very special librarians,” Claire chimed in.

“Special librarians?” Ms. Taylor replied, a quizzical look on her face. “How so?”

“Well ah, we….” Clint scrambled for something, anything, to say. He was not the guy you wanted running a smokescreen operation; this could go downhill fast. “We… track down lost library books,” he finally said. “When they uh, go missing or … bad people take them or books get… uh … threatened.”

“You save the books?” A girl with short brown hair asked, completely serious.

“Well, um yeah. I guess you could say that.”

“They do!” Claire interjected. “They have weapons and everything! Dad, show them the bow.”

“Oh I don’t think—”

“He has a bow that he carries with him all the time. Right now it’s in his briefcase,” she said, pointing at the unassuming metal case against the wall. Suddenly, eighteen pairs of eyes were fixed on the briefcase and a cacophony of chatter erupted.

“A bow?”

“Like Robin Hood?”

“A real bow and arrow?”

“You can’t fit a bow in a briefcase.”

“Can too!” Claire said, and looked back at Clint. “Go on Dad, show them.”

Figuring it was too late to back out now, Clint shrugged out of the blazer Nat made him put on that morning and rolled up his shirtsleeves as far as he could. He set the case on the table, took out the familiar piece of folded metal, and with a practiced flick of his wrist, snapped the bow into place.

“Ooooooooooooooh,” the room of first-graders said in unison.

“See?” Claire said. “It’s a collapsible recurve bow with a compound mechanized firing system. Dad made it himself.”

Poor Ms. Taylor was suddenly a bit tongue-tied, her gaze fixed on Clint’s arms. “That was—oh my, well, that was—uh, quite impressive.” At that, Nat actually chuckled softly and rolled her eyes.

“Mom can do stuff too!” Claire continued. “She has this thing where she can shock people with her bracelets—”

“Oh Claire, sweetie, no one’s interested is seeing that—”

“I am!” A little boy’s hand shot up in the air, followed by every other hand in the class.

Faced with a roomful of insistent six-year olds, for the first time Natasha looked a little off balance. “I uh—I don’t think…”

“Aww, go on, darlin’,” Clint drawled, enjoying having the tables turned. “I’m sure it’d be ... educational.” She sent him glare that had sent lesser men running for cover, but he just winked.

Nat sighed. “Ms. Taylor, if I may borrow your chalkboard?”

“Of course.”

“You might want to stand back.” She pushed a button on the heavy black band on her wrist, and a faint high pitched noise filled the air. She touched the band against the metal frame of the board and a blue current crackled across the edges, making everyone jump.

After a second of stunned silence, the children burst into applause.

“She also carries knives,” Claire said smugly. “She can hit a moving target at 50 yards.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” the class said in unison, clearly awestruck.

Ms. Taylor self-consciously moved her gaze away from Clint and over to Nat, looking just a slight bit terrified. “That is just ... a-amazing,” she finally said. “How did you ever get into this line of work?”

“Special program,” Clint replied. “They kind of recruit you from … the best libraries.”

“Dad even recruited mom a long time ago,” Claire chimed in.

“Did you?" Ms. Taylor asked, curiosity written all over her face.

Clint shrugged. “She was working for a … rival library. I convinced her to join up with ours.”

“Convinced?” Nat quirked an eyebrow.

“Persuaded.”

“More like pleaded.”

“I’d say asked nicely.” He gave her a rakish grin.

Nat shook her head, but she was trying hard not to smile. “Details.”

“Is that when you two got together?” Ms. Taylor asked.

“Oh no—”

“No—”

“That wasn’t until much later,” Nat said.

“Not until the ambush—” Clint continued.

“—conference— ” Nat gave him a sharp elbow in the ribs.

“—yeah, I mean conference. In Budapest.”

“Budapest? What was in Budapest?”

“An … interlibrary loan conference,” Clint finished lamely.

“Lovely city, Budapest,” Natasha mused. “Scenic path by the river…”

“I mostly remember the hotel,” Clint mumbled. “Post-ambush,” he added under his breath.

“A romantic story, I’m sure.”

“Yes.”

“Not really.”

“Are there any questions for Mr. and Mrs. Barton?”

“Can I shoot the bow?”

“No.”

“Can I hold the knives?”

“No.”

“Can I shock Kevin?”

“No.”

“Well I think that about wraps it up,” Ms. Taylor said brightly. “Thank you both so much for coming today. Anything else you’d like to add?”

“Just remember,” Clint said solemnly, “always return those library books, kids. You don’t want us to have to come after you.”

Eighteen sets of eyes widened simultaneously.

“Oh,” Natasha began sweetly, “I’m sure that won’t be necessary.” She looked out over the class. “You would never, ever let a library book become overdue, would you?”

Eighteen heads all shook in unison.

“Good,” she smiled.


****

Afterwards, the trio made their way down the hall.

“Librarians, Claire? Really? I thought we agreed on insurance salesmen.”

“Dad, that was boring.”

“And the bow?” Natasha asked. “The other weapons? What was that about?”

Claire sighed. “Shelly Riser’s parents are veterinarians and they brought an actual pony to class last week. A real live pony. I had to do something.”

“Oh….” Clint and Nat said, suddenly comprehending. Shelly Riser was the most popular girl in class and Claire’s long-time archenemy. Well, since last year.

“Why didn’t you just say so, sweetheart? I could have brought my throwing stars—”

“And I could have built the bridge out of grappling hook arrows—”

“No, no, you guys did great! It was the best. Thanks. Now, I have to get back. Someone’s been stealing lunch money at recess and,” Claire held up a thumb and forefinger, “I’m this close to cracking the case.”

“You need backup?” Clint asked.

She shook her head. “Nah. It’s a simple sting op. Total watch and wait job. I’ve got my people on it.”

“Oh,” Nat said. “Right.”

She gave each of them a quick hug. “See you later!”

Clint and Natasha watched her walk away, then exchanged a pointed look.

“Sting op?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Watch and wait?” she crossed her arms.

“She’s your daughter,” they said in unison, then laughed.

“Why do I get the sneaking suspicion she’s going to be running our missions before too long?” Clint asked as they headed outside.

Nat just smiled and took his hand in hers. “I think she already is.”



Edited 2012-07-20 06:49 pm (UTC)

Librarians. Special librarains. Always return those library books. ROTFLMAO

Teacher caught staring at Clint's arms and even Nat doesn't blame her :D

And oh, why didn't you say so, we could have brought more weapons. Oh you three are so damn wonderful <3

Ahahaha, of course their child would be crazy competitive and set up sting operations to find who's been stealing lunch money. This was adorable!

FGHBNJKOLMHGOMG ADORBS.

I love this. I love you for writing this. I adore every single word in this fic. EVERY ONE. It's hilarious. The descriptions of the job, the weapon demonstrations, the staring at Clint's arms, the banter, and their child oh my gosh she is fantastic.

I have run out of words. I'm going to sit and giggle quietly instead.

ZOMG! This is too cute!

LOL! They're obviously blessed with a child that's got the best from both of them!

ADORABLE. And totally beats ponies and everything else :D

I love this. Claire is perfect and I want to read more about her. She's adorable! Super librarians! Sting ops! *dies of cute*

And the teacher staring at Clint's arms made me laugh. His arms are like gravity, everyone's drawn towards them...

I'm assuming that this is the shameless piece of fluff you were referring to earlier, because if it's not I'm not sure I'll be able to take any more. xD Between Clint and Natasha just casually having their weapons on hand (because selling life insurance can be a very deadly business), the kids and their questions (“Can I shock Kevin?” pfft), and Claire's sting op... so much love. <3

*looks around shiftily to see if there are any overdue library books lying around*

Not one of those children will EVER turn a library book in late. Ever.

Brilliant!

I love this! Poor Clint and Nat, they'll never get anything over on this child- I think you should tell us about what happens when she turns into a teenager...

ARE YOU FOR REAL WITH THIS? Banter! Shameless Assassin flirting! Clint Arm!Porn! LIBRARIANS?! Assassin!Kid! It's like a perfect storm of awesome.

There aren't even enough words to describe my love for this. I'm flailing in my seat and grinning like a fool. I love little Claire, I want to know more about her Sting Ops! I bet she has a little mini command center in her closet where she maps out her missions. I CAN'T WITH THIS BEE. *dances with joy*

I know you're not a kid fic person but I frickin' ADORE this little kid. They've done good. *nodnodnod* NOOOOW I wanna know how they got her.

If I thought they were going to hunt down my overdues I'd never forget a library book.

BWA-Hahahahahahahaha!!!

This was adorable! :D

as a former librarian and teacher i am highly amused at your use of the vocation and you can totally tell what era of education you're from when the word 'chalkboard' is used.

Ok, I made undignified snorting sounds while reading this. There may have been a little bit of stupid grinning at the same time.

Why didn't they let that kid shock Kevin?! Jerks.

I love everything about this. Librarians! The smartest kid in the room! Armed to the teeth at their daughter's school! Teacher checking out Clint's arms because she JUST CAN'T HELL IT. Someone called Natasha Mrs. Barton and she didn't eviscerate them. I love everything about this.

Can I request fic where Claire has to spend the afternoon with Uncle Tony and Uncle Bruce in the lab and they help her with some kind of super science project? :) :)

Hee! I don't even usually like kid!fic, but this is utterly adorable and Claire is PERFECT as their child. The apple really did not fall far from that tree.

So many great moments in this (librarians! showing off their weapons! the kids' questions at the end!) though my favourite was Ms Taylor quickly looking away from Clint's arms when she learns that Natasha can hit a moving target at 50 yards. Awesome.

Ok, you already know how much I love this but I'm just catching up now on some of the epic prompt filling awesomeness and... well... I stand by my original response: holy mother of Rumpelstiltskin, it's freakin gold. LOVE THIS SO HARD. And I'm loving that I'm not the only one adoring the "can I shock Kevin" line because heaven help me I don't really know why it makes me laugh so hard but it does :D So much love for this!

Oh my gosh, this was for real the cutest thing ever. Ever! Those kids will never, ever have a late library book!

And poor Ms. Taylor will have a hard time forgetting about those arms. Just sayin'. :)

Okay, so many things I love about this. Librarians...excuse me Special Librarians was just too funny. And the final scene where is trying to figure out who is stealing lunch money. That is 100% Clint and Natasha's child. Very cute.

Take 2:

Eeeeee!!! This was the CUTEST, Bee. Love the idea of them as librarians who take overdue books VERY seriously and their kid as a chip off the old block(s).