I do, because from what I've seen your writing is so lovely and you have such interesting ideas and *grabby hands* (also, I am BEAMING that you think my work is gorgeous, beaming at the screen, thank you so much!)

Ohhh, yes, we can absolutely! Because I have so many thoughts about Natasha and motherhood and why she'd choose it and her thoughts once the child is born (I give her, obviously, a son called John Roman Barton; and more I poke at Natasha and her feelings, the more I think my Natasha would struggle so much more with a little girl for various reasons, which I need to get down into fic form, ugh, brain, just work) and everything, and yesssssss, we can absolutely discuss. PM? Email?

(and yes, we can be friends! Curse this fandom, it's making me hang around LJ - I'm mainly over DW these days, although I crosspost my personal journal)

Ahahaha, I think we all are, really.

Ooooo ooooo, and can I be in on the mama! Natasha convo, too, please? ;-)

Also friends are an excellent thing and I highly approve of them.:-D

Yes, of course you can! After I'm back from vacation I am totally setting that up over at my journal - I don't want to abuse this comm with my thought process, but I guess it can also be done here, if mods okay it.

Also, if you guys start this discussion while I'm not here, please poke me and give me a link! Yaaayyyyyyyy! *G*

Ooooh, yes, that'd be easier for multiple people - I'll sit and wait and mull (and hopefully write) until then.

:D!

*beams right back at you* Thank you so much! I usually think OMG everyone else has such SHINY ideas, and then there are my sentimental little things *G* I am feelign so awesomely spoiled in here, thank youuu!

I got the idea for K.M. from tumblr (there were amusing manip gifs with Natasha, Clint and a kid) and I wanted to write about them having a kid so much. But my biggest issue and hardest question to answer was why would she choose to have that kid, if she got pregnant by accident. There are so many reasons for a negative decision, and I felt Clint would accept either one; I thought he would just be very supportive, because he's so loyal to her (that's my headcanon!Clint. Completely and utterly loyal.) I struggled with this question and I let two of them struggle with it too, through a significant part of this fic, and I think that turned out good, and realistic, considering their lives, their pasts etc. At one point I allowed the team to get involved and voice their support (and that's a humorous scene, thank you Tony - Tony was so much FUN in this. and team! I love the team :D ), and then went on from there.

Natasha's story is one about remaking; and motherhood remakes us all (as one awesome person told me in a comment), and I tied it that way. Natasha struggles through nine months of pregnancy, learns to accept help in a way she hadn't before; and then there's this scene when she gives birth, and I really adore how that turned out.

I thought of giving her, them, a son first, but then I kept picturing the final scene in the fic, and it just had to be a little girl. But yes, I think a daughter would be a bigger struggle for Natasha. That's why I want to write more of this and see how she fares as a mother of a daughter. My Natasha, she is so fierce. Sometimes afraid of all those overwhelming emotions, but she is definitely fierce. And writing this is also quite personal, and maybe even a bit cathartic and I'm loving it.

Here's a snippet for you!

*

Natasha isn't the only one with nightmares.

She is the one who has them more often, but Clint's nightmares are worse.

She is seven months along and she moves much slower than she would like to. Clint is in the living room, sitting in front of large, wide windows, observing the blinking lights of the city. They both do this after nightmares hit, sit and stare, like they're confessing sins and fears to distant lights.

She can tell it's bad. There's something about the way he's sitting as if he's crumbling into himself. He looks smaller like this and she is guessing what kind of look will be on his face when she finally reaches him.

He must have heard her by now; it's hard not to, with the way she moves, but he doesn't acknowledge her presence. She knows this Clint, the withdrawn, dark creature sitting in the corner of his echoing mind, watching out for monsters. She used to fight this Clint, and make him fight through this, but she cannot do that anymore.

Natasha walks in his direction, but halfway there she changes her mind. She goes to his stereo instead and picks a random recording. They're all mellow to some extent, and that's exactly what she needs. What he needs as well. The music spreads through the space of the room and he finally reacts. He watches her coming closer, to him. When she's there she can see the echoes of the damage in his eyes. She knows what it is about, and since she can't fix him like she thinks she should, there's only this. When she reaches for his hand and pulls, he follows. It's never good when he's like this, powerless and almost limp in her arms. Soothing him with a hand on his back feels strange, but she does it anyway, and they move slowly. It's easier when he's the one leading the dance, when it's his hand on her back. He does relax eventually, she feels it along her arms, in her fingertips; and she relaxes along with him.

Perhaps it's not her kind of music, and her body is heavy and doesn't feel like her own any more, but she still can do this. She still can pick him up and help him put the pieces back together.

re: snippet: OH NATASHA. AND CLINT. FEEELINGS.

And yesssss, to all you said above. I wrote something with Natasha and her newly-born son waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back, and so she always had John when I thought of her as a mother (except in AUs, where she has other children, but different contexts). Except then I had no idea why she kept the baby after unexpected pregnancy, and I'm still working on that. I'm getting there, though, and partly it's because the Red Room wouldn't have given her the choice to keep a child, but, yeah, I need to work on the rest of her reasoning. And I'm with you re: Clint and supporting her whatever her choice, and just being loyal.

But the more I poke at her, the more she flips out over the possibility of a daughter, so I'm kinda glad for my own headspace that I gave her a son (and Natasha's a one child only mother in this 'verse - she's 37 when she has John, and it wasn't an easy pregnancy, and the recovery wasn't easy, either) otherwise I'd get too ow over it. But that's me and author-oddness, so I'm happy to read fic where she has a daughter, obviously. But her as a mother, I just find fascinating. She's got the fierce mama bear-ness down fine, but the more day-to-day things? She struggles, both temperament and the demands of her job (Clint in my 'verse decided to take early retirement and be the stay-at-home dad) and it's all...so interesting. :D

Also, PMs are amazing for discussion! I will be away fro a few days, I'll have my laptop with me, but I can't promise I'll have decent Internet connection all the time, so if I'm not replying, that's the reason why. But I am so stoked for this discussion, and any kind of C/N flavored discussion and yes. This ship has taken over my mind and heart, thank you. *still beaming*

Can you pm more than one person at a time?

I'm good with any of the options, and though I have the easiest access to email since it's not blocked on my work computer. I can get alerts about comments and posts and stuff while I'm here, but can only reply on my cell phone on my breaks or once I'm home at night.

I think probably easiest to wait until Anuna sets up a post so we can all babble at each other just in comment-form. We can just mull over thoughts until then *g*

Probably so. :D Yay! I can't wait!